The grass is not greener on the other side

Human beings are fickle and they always remain so as long as they are citizens of planet Earth.

Take for example, some former office colleagues of mine. After spending several fruitful and uneventful years with their old employer (my current firm), they decided to get up and go.

Sure enough, they landed a job with a rival firm. Initially, things were very new to them. After a while, they realise that even though they got a small increase in remuneration, office atmospher in the new company wasn't much to shout about.

And if they were allowed to shout, they would probably complain. One brave soul admitted that our old employer was a much better place. The new place was too sterile and was definitely too regimented.

But it took a small salary increase and 12 months down a new avenue for the truth to surface. It is the scourge of most employees that they constantly entertain the thought that new jobs in new firms mean better working environment and excellent lifestyle.

It is seldom so. In fact, most of the time, it is a downhill race, unless the new place happens to be your own business. Yes, some people risk it all in a single throw of the dice to alter their fortunes.

Working for yourself simply translates into "no closing time". In other words, self-employment means doing all it takes to turn in a profit. Not many people are so lucky.

They can go into business for themselves but they probably won't see any meaningful profits until and unless they also have an enormous amount of luck.

Otherwise, it is just a long train journey down Worry-ville!

The saying "the grass is always greener on the other side" also applies to migration to another country, marrying another person and adopting a totally new lifestyle.

Of course, we all hope and pray that we are doing the right thing when we take this mighty leap.

For example, migrating to another country. A number of my friends who were married before they migrated, ended up losing their marriages as well when they struggled to adjust to life in a new nation.

Apparently, the stresses and strains that are part and parcel of adjusting to a foreign society and new environment took a heavy toll on matrimonial harmony. Not many spouses (man or woman) are so understanding when the odds are stacked against them.

So in the case of a broken marriage, especially in a foreign country, the grass is obviously not greener on the other side.

This goes for picking another life partner. One of the reasons for high divorce rates in some societies is because of the accessibility to divorce. Couples who feel they can have easy recourse to a bad marriage often opt for it the moment a quarrel surfaces.

Then months or a few short years later, they marry again. Hoping and keeping their fingers crossed that the marriage would work this time. While some second marriages do work, a large number of second marriages are doomed to fail the day after the "I do's" are said.

From then on, everything is "do not". The glitch in this case is not the marriage but the partner (either one). All marriages are okay but life partners who are immature or are flawed in personality traits will always take the easy way out when voices are raised beyond the level of reason.

Thus divorce always seems to be the better and easier option. Take a look at the grass on the other side next time. Take your time, it is actually the same colour as your side.

It's just that you THINK it's greener. It is the same. Not greener, not yellower, or even redder.

The solution lies with you and all the answers to your own problems in life are locked in your heart and mind. Sit down, reflect, don't expect much, mentally commit to be a better person, work hard to succeed no matter how hard the going gets and you will be all right.

Other than that, I can only say, squeeze in some personal happiness and joy while you are at it. Spread it around. Don't be selfish.

What I think of America?

These past two decades have been trying times to the people of America. Asians generally see America and its people through movies. It's not fair and it's wrong but that's the way it is for a large number of people in Asia.

I may be generalising a bit here but there are some nuggets of truth. For those who have access to many sources of information, including periodic sojourns in USA, their perception of America and its people may be quite different.

For some of us, people like me, who have American friends and have friends or relatives who have stayed in America or are still staying in America, again our views are different.

Now what are the stereotyped views of Americans? For one thing, some people think Americans are "loud". Actually, I don't really know what they mean by that. I have heard it said before.
My understanding of the description is probably some Americans are very forward in expressing their opinions and they speak a bit louder than others. There are some of us who may perceive that as an overbearing level of confidence.

Others who may not think too kindly of Americans say it's just plain arrogance. My British friend told me once: "You know that's an American behind you when you hear 'Wilma, pass me that ketchup!"
I think she's was joking or pulling my leg but probably not by much.
Asia is a very big part of the world. Some countries that have unpleasant experiences of Americans really do not think too highly of the people from the Land of the Golden Eagle.
One of the reasons is because Americans (they actually mean GIs) are forever walking and talking as if they own the land. They know they are not going to stay permanently so they make sure they have a heck of a time before they leave.

When Asians think of America, they visualise big plans, great movies, hydrogen bombs, cruise missiles, and to a lesser extent Barack Obama. Not forgetting CNN. Now the US media has been at the forefront of almost every nation in Asia that has satellite TV.

How can anyone avoid America? Some of the most exciting and most watchable films in the world come from America. Many of us think American girls all look either like Charlize Theron (she's actually South African) or Angelina Jolie.

How silly we all are? But that's being human for you. But my own personal experience with America were those Peace Corps people who came over to parts of Asia in the 1960s.
We had many pleasant encounters with those volunteers. I think those Peace Corps people were the best representation of the big US of A. They are caring, humble, willing to teach as well as willing to learn.

Then there are the American navy personnel who make irregular visits to Asia throughout the year. Once when I was driving near a port, I spotted some plain clothes US navymen. I knew they were sailors because the USS Enterprise was in town.

You could tell that they were troopers because I overheard one of them said: "Port Klang is about three kliks away the other way." Nobody talks like that except the US soldiers who are social visits.
I also thought that they were rather short for US soldiers until a friend of mine who was more familiar with the US army enlightened me by saying: "US navymen don't have to be tall, only the Marines are tall. The Marines need to be of a certain height."

It is another misconception. Asians think all American men are 6ft and above. So when we come across one US soldier standing at Asian height, we think he's a short American!

We also believe Americans are some of the most generous people in the world. We got this impression from the various Aid shows held in America and all the fundraising events we see and read about on TV and in the foreign sections of the newspapers.
Oprah Winfrey gives us the impression that Americans are willing to drop everything and rush to the rescue of their troubled neighbours whenever the situation demands it.
I guess that's a good impression by any standards. It is only in recent years that some of us are beginning to know that in a nation of about 300 million people, American has probably one of the largest melting pot of races in the world.
There are the Italians, Irish, Greek, Jews, Cubans, Vietnamese, Scandanavians, etc who make up the demographic strata of the American society.

We also get the impression that Americans in general are not very good at picking leaders. For a better part of 30 years, one US president after another got a terrific bashing from his own people about one year into his presidency.
The US media would go on and on about his bad judgments, his less-than-holy private life and all the verbal foul-ups he committed.
Some of us wondered aloud: "How strange? First, they elect him then they proceed to persecute the poor guy. Didn't the majority pick up of their own free will?"

These are some of the reactions among Asians. Some of us just said: "Nobody is perfect, especially a President. He's just a plain old human." But then, American politics are very much beyond our Asian understanding. Heck, we have trouble understanding our own leaders.

In a way, I suppose as far as politics are concerned, it is about the same all over the world. There are leaders and then there are leaders.

But one thing's for sure, America and her people are never boring. They can be as loud as they want, so long as they make good movies and rush over their big naval vessels over to our shores whenever a major disaster strikes, they are OK by us on any God-given day.

However, some Americans may be beginning to get a little fed up being bashed up either in foreign newspapers or in foreign TV. There are a lot of things that have been misunderstood.
America may be a great nation but it is as human as the rest of us around the world. The only thing that separates America and the rest of the globe is that they have Disneyland and Hollywood, and we have our tropical jungles and exotic settings.

Heck, you can't have it all, you know.
Because of regional conflicts around the globe and the evergrowing presence of US naval vessels, Asians in general think that US is one big bully. At the same time, some of us wish you are not that far away.
You never know when you need a helping hand. People are greedy and are seldom satisfied with their needs, demands and requests. It's just that America is an easy target.
If you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, you may be inclined to say "it's America's fault!" for absolutely no good reason at all. It is just convenient.
That's the price you pay for being a big, rich nation that drowns everybody and every culture out with those bright neon lights and humungous looking burgers.
By the way, a friend of mine who make regular visits to US, love to tell me the size of burgers and plates of food in US. "Three people can share one plate!" she would say.
And no wonder Americans in general are so big. Actually, fat is the word but most Asians are just too polite. What a lucky bunch of people. Eat till you drop. Now, that's not a very pretty picture but some of the skinny ones among us would love to have such a "problem".
That's my five-cents worth of comment on America today. Hope you like it and say a prayer for world peace and unity among the various races fighting among themselves in all parts of this silly world.

Congratulations to Obama and America

THERE have been moments in the past months while monitoring the progress of the democratic battle for nomination between Obama and Hillary Clinton that I have been pessimistic about the process of election.

However, today after Obama's victory for nomination has been sealed, I began to understand that beneath all that bravado that sometimes is erroneously projected to outsiders, lies a hidden strength that personifies America as a nation of great souls.

Yes, it has been a hard fought battle by Obama and Hillary but victory goes to the people of America. Twenty years ago, it would have been almost unthinkable for any African-American to aspire to occupy the Oval Office.

Today in 2008, Barack Obama has broken all the stereotyped notions of the Land of Milk and Honey by peoples living on the opposite sides of the Atlantic and Pacific oceans.

I am glad that America has taken this brave step forward. If foreigners had misgivings about US involvement in Iraq, Somalia, and other troubled spots around the world, it is because America as a superpower had not always been able to do its best under the worst circumstances.

Nevertheless it tries despite the adverse publicity and its noble intentions. The lives of its own people is its gift to the rest of the world. I can't speak for the other nations, so I will speak for myself.

I for one appreciate the trouble taken by US to lay down the lives of its own men and women in foreign lands so that others may live in freedom. Time will soon eclipse all sad and bad memories of engagements abroard but the fallen soldiers symbolic of what is good about America will not be forgotten. It cannot be.

We who live so far away of the US shores have always been appreciative of the fact that whenever a major natural disaster strikes, US is constantly among the first to extend a helping hand.

Sometimes we forget our manners. In our sorrow and our grief, we forget to thank our benefactors and our rescuers, many of whom wear the US flag on their lapels and uniforms.

But as a person from a land not unaccustomed to the US Peace Corps, let me say with pride as well as with humility that all the good America has done all over the world and over the decades have not been forgotten.

One day when America needs help from the rest of the world, I am sure there will be many among us who will jump at the opportunity to help an old friend.

Once again, congratulations America!

Standing up for Planet Earth

This is the same old story about people trying to save this precious planet. Actually, we are living on a puny, little speck of dust in the wide array of galaxies on the highway of eternity.

By right, we should be worried about the soil beneath our feet. Unfortunately, most of us couldn't care less. It's a crying shame. Crying because lots of people are going to suffer before the dust is settled.

Shame because we should know better. We are living in the Age of Information Overload and yet we are only concerned, among others, about the next blockbuster that's going to hit the nearest cinema near us.

I could say "well you guys deserve it when the roof comes crashing down on your heads" or "watch out for that nasty tornado that's gonna wake you up anytime soon" but that would be infantile.

Face it, this is the only planet you will have first hand experience of because very, very few of us are cut out to be astronauts. We don't have the pleasure of using US$19 million toilets in outer space.

The ground is our final resting place and the starry skies for many of us are the roofs above our heads.

Now we have to make the decision. This is your time, this is your planet. You either take care of it or it takes matters into its own hands.

From the weather reports that have been coming in daily, Mother Nature is not smiling at us anymore. I dare say she's more than peeved with her little tenants.

Now she's practically telling us, "you take care of your own mess!" That's partly why we are having those horrible cyclones, hurricanes and earthquakes.

By the way, did I tell you that the hurricane season has just started. From the indications, it going to be a whopper.

If you think that's funny, think again. If you think you are safe in some million-dollar resort, take out your science books and browse through them again. You are in for some ride, that is, if you survive.

Ciao! Be seeing you.